Guilt :(

This is the house I live in. Look carefully, because in about a month, it will be gone. Yes, you heard me right. Gone. If you are wondering why, it is because the county planning commission will not allow us to have two homes on our property and the one seen here: Rich Hearts Home Building 101 wins out over this one.

This one is a four square style farmhouse that was built in 1920 which is pretty typical for this area. We bought it on October 31, 1998 along with the 3.74 acre parcel it was sitting on as well as 5 barns/outbuildings at auction. That's an exciting method of buying a home and we were thrilled to have won our own little piece of the country right next door to where my hubby grew up. The home was not exactly what we wanted and was long overdue for some TLC, but we planned on adding on and renovating. I have a background in architecture and we set about the task of designing our remodeled home. We went through MANY ideas, and finally came up with a plan that we gave to a couple of contractors to get a price. This plan included a 20 foot two story addition, a beautiful three sided wrap around porch and completely redoing the whole interior. It did not touch our 80 year old dank, damp, shallow basement. The price the first gentleman gave us totally blew us away. I could not even believe that he could give us that price with a straight face; it was so high! We went a slightly different route for our next bid and spoke to an amish man. His price was cheaper, but did not include ANY mechanicals (heat, A/C, plumbing, electrical) because he preferred not to put those in. So, his price ended up being in the same ballpark as the first. So, we went back to the drawing board. We researched a smaller, simpler addition and renovating the basement. The price was better but still high.

Then we decided to look into building a new home on our property. New construction is cheaper than renovation construction with many less headaches. After MUCH prayerful consideration, this is route we chose. The whole process has been documented here: Rich Hearts Home Building 101

But I am feeling great pangs of guilt about tearing this place down. For one reason, it has been our home for seven years. Our children have grown up here and for 3 of the 4, it is the only home they know. There are loads of memories associated with this place. Another reason is that I love antiques and old things; I appreciate them. I think about the families that have lived here and their stories. I had on HGTV the other night and "If Walls Could Talk" and Generation renovation" and although I love those shows, I finally had to just turn the TV off. It was too depressing in light of our eminent tear-down.

I know we have chosen the right path and building new is the right decision. First of all we have prayed about it tons and received clear confirmation from God. Financially, it is the best move. And there are so many things wrong with this place. I believe it is even making the children and I sick because of all the mold issues as well as the dust. That alone is reason enough to get out of this place!

Ahhh....I feel better just getting this off my chest. I know the guilt will not go away for some time and I will CRY when this place goes. But I DO so look forward to moving into my dream house. It is truly a gift and a blessing from God. I cling to that!