Monday, July 05, 2004

Clutter Weakness!

My stress level lately has been high. This is unusual for me. I am usually pretty laid back and I can let most problems roll off my back so to speak. Recently I seem to get irritated with day to day living. It seems ridiculous to me, but it's the little things that put me over the edge and cause me to lose my patience. I have determined that most of this boils down to the fact that I am living in a cluttered chaos. Every aspect of my life is cluttered. This is most apparent in my home. There is not a room, or even a small space in my home that is not cluttered. My home is filled with more stuff than it can adequately hold. Therefore, the important things get hidden by the superfluous. I am an out of sight out of mind kind of person so this isn't good. The simplest project or errand becomes a mountainous task because I cannot lay my hands on what I need for it. Oh I know that's around here somewhere. This results in a lot of frustration but not a lot of productivity.

I have prayed to God about this. He knows my weakness and has the power to change me and my situation. But here I still am - trapped in the mire of the environment I have created. I feel confident that if I could just clear out all of the clutter in my life and start fresh, things could be so different. I have learned where I DON'T want to be, and would not allow my home and my life to become cluttered like this again. But, I am here amidst my clutter and it is SO diffecult for me to rid myself of it. I feel like Christian in Pilgims Progress. He was so tired from carrying this huge weight on his back. The luggage he was hauling around was sin and when he reached the cross, he was finally able to put it down. This is me. I am lugging around this huge weight. I have not really looked at it as sin before. Why am I this way? Is it from not trusting enough that God will provide for my needs so that I must stockpile so that I can do it on my own. This may be part of it, but there must be something more.

My SIL and I were discussing this. Although we are different, she and I have similar struggles. I thank God for placing her into my life. What a blessing to have someone to share my difficulties and my faith with! She and I were discussing our frustrations that although we have prayed to God to change us, things have remained the same. I have questioned this many times in my own life and have come to the conclusion that perhaps I am not fully handing this situation over to God DAILY and that I have not shared this weakness of mine with anyone. Of course, anyone close to me sees that I am not a organized, efficient person, but I try very hard to hide how bad it really is. I am embarrassed! Perhaps God wants to use this situation to His glory. But what does this mean? Must I bare all?

Magic Kisses

I spent a large part of my lifetime totally unaware that I have the gift of magic kisses. This power did not surface until I had been a mother for about 2 years. One magical day, my daughter came to me with a boo boo, I kissed it and tada it was instantly better. How exciting to discover that God had given me such a wonderful gift! Once my daughter discovered that I had this amazing ability, she was not shy about coming to me for healing of all sorts of injuries from scraped knees to hurt feelings. I was all too happy to use this gift of magic kisses to come to her aid. Interestingly enough, I tried using this power on myself with no luck and I found only limited success using it on my husband. Although I offered, no one else around me even wanted me to share my healing magic kisses with them. They even had the nerve to give me strange looks for even suggesting it. Oh well! I do not understand why, but after a couple of years, my powers must have weakened because my kisses seemed to lose their effectiveness. Both my kisses and my hugs were still a comfort to my daughter, but they didn't have the same healing power. I guess I just had to face facts, my magic kisses were gone. :(

Then one day when my second daughter, Anna, was about 2 years old, my magic kisses came back! Anna was thrilled with my ability and soon was taking advantage of it on almost a daily basis. I was only happy to share my gift, as I did notice that my kisses had their greatest effect on her. To my disappointment, once again my kiss' strength diminished after a time. Oh, God IS a provider of wonderful gifts and on rare occasions, when they were most needed, I would once again be the bearer of magic kisses, but for the day to day boo boos, my daughters claimed they didn't work anymore. :(

Well, God is good! He has once again bestowed the healing power of magic kisses to me. My son, Patrick, now takes full advantage of this. Nearly every day this rambunctious two year old has taken a tumble or gotten a bump because his actions don't match his abilities. He will come to me with tears in his eyes, pleading for comfort. One kiss and tada he is all better and off once more to test his strength and dexterity. I know that it is the kisses that have this effect, because occasionally I will miss the exact spot that Patrick said needs healing. He is quick to correct me and carefully point to just the right spot so I can be sure I direct my kiss to his boo boo. If my aim is correct, my kiss works without fail. The scrape or bruise will still remain, but its pain has been removed.

Only God knows how long my magic kisses will be in effect. I am confident that God knows just when this mommy needs them and will generously provide. I know that even though, my son may in time discover that they do not work as well on him anymore, God will super-charge my kisses when they are really needed. I am looking forward, as well, to the time when my baby girl, Abigail (now 6 months old) will have the pleasure of discovering that her mom has this amazing ability to heal her pain with just the touch of her magic kiss!

"God has given gifts to each of you from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God's generosity can flow through you." 1 Peter 4:10