Can you guess my news?
I think most of my "real life" friends already know this, but I thought it was time I spilled the beans and told my online buddies. I'm expecting!
So if I seem quiet, it's not that I am away, I'm probably just napping [wink]. I get pretty wiped carrying babies. I am in my 11th week and I am hoping once I am officially in my 2nd trimester, some of my energy will return. I am tired of craving a nap everyday because it is not often realistic to take one.
The whole family is getting excited and my son has already informed me that he wants a BOY and has begun to pick out names. For his sake, I hope he gets a little brother because he is woefully outnumbered with 4 sisters, but I hate for him to be disapointed if we have baby girl. I keep telling him that God knows best who should be a part of our family and that may end up being a girl.
I created this scrapbook page to journal about some of my thoughts and emotions. Credits for it can be found here.
Here is what I wrote:
The Faint Pink Line
There is was, staring me in the face…the faint pink line on the pregnancy test telling me that I was carrying a brand new life. Wow! It is hard to explain the abundance of emotions welling up inside of me: joy, excitement, fear, thankfulness, insecurity, and more. A new baby – what a blessing! I think about holding a sweet little newborn in my arms again and get so excited. Then other thoughts crowd into my mind. I am 39 years old and I already have 5 precious children. I wonder, “Am I physically and emotionally strong enough to do this?” Each of my pregnancies has been successively more difficult for me. Having a baby at 24 is quite different that at 39. But, I am comforted to know that God is in control. He would not have given me this precious life to carry without also giving me the strength to do so. A peace washes over me.
I relax and relish is the joy of the knowledge of this new little life. That is, until I think about sharing this news with others. I don’t feel ready to face the reactions I will receive. When you announce a first or even second pregnancy, everyone is overjoyed for you. By the third pregnancy, the excitement of others has waned. By he fifth, the reactions can be quite different:
“Are you crazy?”
“Don’t you know what causes that?”
“Don’t you know how to prevent that?”
“Glad it’s you and not me!”
“And you’re happy about this?!?”
These are actual responses I have received on more than one occasion. I want to cry out, “No, I am NOT crazy!” Every one of my children is a precious gift. There is not one that I would choose to give up. A child’s value is not dependent upon their birth order. My fifth child is just as special and important to me as my first. I know that God created even this sixth child I carry for a special purpose.
Feeling unready to face the reactions of others, I keep my news to myself. It is nearly a month before I reveal this to anyone, even my husband. It is a little secret that only God and I share and I can take joy in the knowledge of this new child untainted by the words of others.
Now, as we slowly announce our news to the world, I steel myself for the comments that I will inevitably receive. I pray that God gives me wise words to use in response. I have to choose not to let others steal my joy away and continue to cherish this new little blessing of life I carry.
Thanks for letting me share!