The Blessing of Unmet Needs

Wanting...
Lately I have been struggling with having many things that I feel like I need and want and not having the means to get them. The tight budget can be so exhausting at times. If I am honest, I have to admit that I get so tired of worrying about every dime that gets spent and feeling guilty for spending a few dollars to grab a cup of coffee with my hubby or going over my grocery budget. When I see a need, I want to be able to fill that need and the simplest way to do that is to purchase something to meet that need. I can't do that at this point in my life; my budget will not allow it. I cannot even tell you how many times I have questioned God about why He is bringing us through this financial valley. I know in my heart that it is for His good purpose and I cannot deny how much this process of struggle has grown me.

Lately one of my struggles has been in the area of curriculum for homeschooling my children. I basically have nothing in the budget for it right now. If I buy something, I will have to steal money from another area of my budget. Since most of my budget expenses are fixed bills, I don't really have many areas with any play. I doubt that I can convince my hubby to eat beans and rice for a week so that I can buy a couple of books for school. So, I have been seeking God in this. He is the one who has given me this high calling to educate my children and He is also the one in control of our finances (or lack of them). Every day I have been seeking His wisdom in this area. God is so good and gracious. He is teaching me about what is really important and about how we learn. He has reminded me of what He taught me many many years ago when I first started on this adventure of homeschooling. I was struggling then, too, with how to teach my child. She was having some difficulties and not picking up on things, reading in particular, very well. I tried several curriculums and techniques, beat my head against the wall, and cried out to God. His answer to me was to back off on trying to make her read. So for nearly two years, I rarely forced her to read anything. I read aloud to her, she listened to scads of audio books and learning continued in other areas. Oh, I encouraged reading, but I just didn't push it. This process forced me to constantly seek God and think a lot about my goals in homeschooling. I came to the conclusion that even if my children grew up illiterate, but they loved the Lord with all their heart, soul and mind, I would have to say that I had succeeded. God can accomplish anything with a yielded heart, even one with zero academic knowledge.

Now, just to clarify, my goals are not to have my children grow up illiterate, [wink] but having this idea in mind, puts things in perspective. It is important to remember what is the most important. It is so easy with homeschooling to get wrapped up in the curriculum and worrying about the body of knowledge that you are trying to cram into their little minds. But, because I can't just run out and purchase a curriculum, I am forced to stop and really think through what is important in the education of my children. Because I have to be more creative and thoughtful in finding resources to teach them, I am seeking God for His wisdom. If I had plenty of money right now, I would have picked out curriculum and we would be going along our merry way working on them. I would have looked at a some government educational standards list and said we need this subject and that, forced my children to do those subjects and checked it off my list. Yay, job done. But what if that is merely the education that society says they should have and not even remotely close to what the Lord deems important for their specific lives?

So, as painful as it is, I have to say that I am thankful for our financial strife. It has forced me to look at what is really important and see that God has a better way for us. This applies to all of our areas of life, not just homeschooling. These unmet needs and wants have driven me to my knees to seek God's Wisdom – what a blessing that is!